Thursday, October 27, 2011

Not your average Hallmark cards

When I re-read my last blog post just now, it felt like it ended too abruptly. It seems the last paragraph got cut off when I copied from Word to Blogger. Just pretend this is part of the last post…

The only downside to the weekend was that while we were away, Justin Bieber was gallivanting all through Winnipeg, often just minutes away from our house. I told Chloe he probably even stopped by our house because my sister-in-law went to school with Justin’s best friend’s mother, so we’re practically family. If we had been home, I would have flipped up some pancakes on my new griddle (not to be confused with girdle) and we would have had a nice home-style dinner with Justin (I bet he misses that with being on the road all the time) and just laughed and laughed together.

Now I have closure.

Here’s a little Neve update for those of you considerate people who have asked (and for the rest of you). I might make this a regular feature. I’ll call it Neve Watch and come up with a fancy logo and everything. She is doing well. She is so in love with her teacher that she says she wishes she was her mom. I sometimes wish that too. So as long as Miss H doesn’t EVER take a sick day, we should be fine. For Christmas, I am putting together a pretty gift basket filled with Cold F/X, Advil, T3s, and for the really bad days, government-approved medicinal marijuana. I better throw in some powerful anti-nausea meds as well – I can’t even begin to imagine what would happen if the teacher threw up. Let’s change the subject.

Yes, let’s change it to the always amusing subject of wife-beating. A co-worker brought in some vintage birthday cards her father had given her mother many years ago. Many, many years ago, before anyone had heard the term “politically correct.”



Nothing says happy birthday like making fun of your wife's weight. But that's gentle and kind compared to this one:



I've always wondered how to make someone sweet and sunny. I'm going to see if the thrice-daily beating works on kids too. I like how the caveman put down his club - for now, at least - and gives his wife a flower (durn it). I'm relieved they didn't show any bleeding or bruises on the woman. She looks a little too young and child-like to be married; it's all a little sinister. But so awesome at the same time. I'm trying to tame some of my packrat ways, but after seeing these, I'll never throw out another card.

3 comments:

Daniel said...

Oh my, those cards are quite something! Ah, the good ol' days, when you could say exactly what was on your mind, and nobody would call for your execution. Of course, they might just execute you without making a big fuss. (Where am I going with this?!? Guess that's what happens when you change subjects so abruptly.)

Glad to hear that Neve is holding together ok these days.

Corinna said...

Oh Ellen, so funny, all of it...I especially like the gift idea for Neve's teacher, I may have to do the same for Luke's as he's pretty enamored with her too. I hope I get some medicinal marijuana in my stocking this year. That has Christmas cheer written all over it.
Maybe Pancakes with Justin could be his next film...like Breakfast at Tiffany's, but different.

Anonymous said...

Hahahaha Corinna!!!

Derrick can't wait to see the Neve Watch logo. He thinks it should be a picture of Neve violently throwing up, and then a red circle around it and a red line through it.

Those cards are too funny in an "I can't believe I'm laughing" sort of way. They seriously made cards like that?? Your co worker could get money for those. Or at least a regular appearance on the morning talk show circuit. And yes, that is definitely a child bride!! Love that her husband is holding her up by her hair !!??

Sio