I’m not sure what the protocol is for getting back to regular life after the death of someone you love. I only know that some days I feel like staying in bed (even more than I usually do) and other days seem almost normal. The overwhelming sadness I feel for Teresa’s husband and kids is a constant heaviness on my chest, knowing that their days won’t seem normal for a long time. I know that even in my grief, I need to appreciate my “normal” days and live life the best I can.
My sister gave me a quote on a tiny strip of paper she had saved from somewhere. It says:
“Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.” (Mary Jean Irion)
I’ve put it where I can see it several times a day, so I've way over-analyzed it. I’ve mourned my past unappreciated normal days, felt guilty for not living life to the fullest on current normal days, and dreaded the next time I will desperately long for a normal day. I’ve now progressed to focusing on thankfulness and contentment for each day. I’ll let you know how that goes.
So in the interest of appreciating my current normal, I will carry on.
Oh, and I need to say a big thank you to everyone who has been so kind the last few weeks. I've appreciated every phone call, text, facebook message and email, the beautiful flowers and delicious meals and baking. (For those of you who are feeling bad that they didn't even think of bringing us a meal, don't worry. You still can. Just kidding, I wouldn't have thought of it either.) Your support and prayers have definitely made a difference. THANK YOU. I love you all.
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