There is still an air of sadness, especially for my brother and his family, and also as the loss of our much loved sister-in-law and auntie sinks in. But I feel like a bit of the fog is lifting and I can breathe a little more deeply than I could a week ago. And that's a good thing.
Sunday, June 22, 2014
I think I'm back
The last month or so would rank as one of my least favourite periods of time ever. Joan's death is of course the worst part by far, but adding to the stress was a big work project with a tight deadline. I was doing most of my work at night, staying up late and functioning on about five hours of sleep a night. My superiors at work encouraged me not to worry about it and take whatever time I needed, but I so badly wanted to finish it and move on. I'm not sure if that was the right decision; I have some regrets about not being as present for my family as I should have been. I finally finished the project and sent it to the printers this past Wednesday. The relief wasn't immediate - it was more like a train gradually picking up steam. By Friday, I was feeling pretty good and it only got better from there. We had a completely unstructured weekend; now at the end of it, I feel like a new person. I finally got around to dealing with papers and summer clothes and laundry and yard work and planting flowers. I re-acquainted myself with the children - I let Chloe drive me to Selkirk (it's not quite like it sounds), I read a book to Neve and tucked her in at night, and I fulfilled Spencer's wish of going to Shakespeare in the Ruins. The children's happiness at having their mother back was slightly dampened by the fact I made them spend every possible second outside in the beautiful weather. We played a competitive game of soccer tonight, which was super fun except when Neve kept crying because she thought I didn't love her and when my toenail ripped from corner to corner. But even then, I still loved every minute of it. It was so nice being outside - Dale and I went for an evening walk for the first time in ages. I'm looking forward to lots more where that came from.